


sp8ce c8se

by vommitkiddo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, F/F, Fluff, June Egbert-Freeform, Lesbian Character, Lesbianssss, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Trans Female John Egbert, june is fucking jacked, vrisrezi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25813579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vommitkiddo/pseuds/vommitkiddo
Summary: June, Jane, Jade, and Jake own a farm in oregon, and all is peaceful.Until an alien ship crashlands in their backyard
Relationships: Calliope/Jane Crocker/Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, John Egbert/Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	1. farm daze

**Author's Note:**

> btw jake is an nb gay, june is a nb lesbian

A strapping young lass lies peacefully in their bed, waiting patiently to start their day.

Their room looks over grassy fields and greenery interspersed with droplets of red fruit, the sun rising over the crests of the faraway hills. A tiny beam of light peeks through the lass’s curtains, hitting them square on the forehead.

They shift and grumble impatiently, their large arms covering their face, until they begrudgingly rise from their slumber.

What will be this rugged gal’s name?

No matter. Your name is JUNE CASEY EGBERT, one of four heirs to the Harleybert Estate. You’re half of the muscle around here, able to lift a whole two cows at once, although your cousin Jane urges you not to go around hefting cows over your shoulders all willy-nilly.

You hop enthusiastically out of bed, illiciting a "shut up" from your family members downstairs.

You do your usual skincare routine of splashing tap water on to your face and repeatedly slap yourself, and then you’re off, giving your pet bunny a pat as you leave. Dear, sweet Pumpernickel. You drive us weary workers to slave another day.

You walk to the other end of the hallway to your other cousin Jake’s room to rouse them. Jake’s snores still rattle the house as you bang on the door.

JUNE: JAAAAAAKE!!!!! 

JUNE: WAKE UP!!!!!! 

JAKE: hold your horses, i’m coming!!

Satisfied in your hollering, you clammer downstairs to the women of the house conversing vividly. Your sister and fellow muscle Jade lounges lazily, sipping a cup of cream and sugar with a little coffee splashed on top, and Jane, stirring her prizewinning jam and watching a black and white talkie, seemingly absorbed in the story.

JADE: Juney!!!! 

JADE: :D!!!!!! 

JUNE: good morning.

Jane waves absentmindedly, staring as if in a trance at her film.

JUNE: whats with her? 

JADE: The history channel’s been playing nonstop detective movies all night, I don't think she slept at all last night.

You glance at Jane, and you can see her slightly sway from side to side. You giggle fiendishly. Jane is wonderfully funny when she’s sleep deprived.

JADE: Anyway! 

JADE: Did you hear the Striders won first prize in the horse breeding contest??? 

JUNE: uuuuuuugggggh those assholes? 

JADE: Yeah you just know Dave’s going to be insufferable.

You both collectively groan.

The neighboring farm was home to your untested rivals, the Stridelondes. Before your generation had taken over ownership of the farm, your parents would constantly fight, and some of that rivalry had dripped into your relations with the Casa De La Stridelonde. You and your more cool family members still go cow tipping around their farm.

Suddenly, with a thump thump thump and an "ah fuck", your cousin Jake appears.

JAKE: golly fucking gee i sure did sleep awful!!!

Jake lumbers down the stairs, rubbing their eyes and scratching their ass like a gigantic fucking bear, decked out in a silk bathrobe and fluffy slippers.

JANE: Not like you did yourself any favors, gallivanting around the woods at all hours of the night!! 

JAKE: Oh yeah, Ms. Chasing Loiterers With A Shotgun At 3 AM??

You silently giggle as they bicker, taking a bit of Jane’s prized boysenberry jam and making a jelly sandwich for breakfast. You shove it quickly into your mouth and swallow it with your superior gag reflex, then make a beeline for the door, until Jane stops you.

JANE: Juney, honey, where are you going? 

JUNE: dont you remember? fertilizer delivery is today!!

You walk out into the open air, feeling the sun on your tanned, freckled back. The smell of grass and dew and only a little bit of shit greets you, the scent of home enveloping you.

You greet the delivery truck at the end of the road, effortlessly carrying 4 bags of fertilizer over your shoulder. You’re in a good mood, until you spot a head of blonde hair from over the fence.

DAVE: juney. junebug. juneypoo. junelicious. 

JUNE: what do you you want, Dave.

He has his signature shit-eating smirk plastered over his face, so you know whatever he’s pestering you about, it can’t be good.

DAVE: oh, not much. just wanted to let you know that Rat Piss won the state breeding competition. 

DAVE: again. 

DAVE: for the fourth time. 

JUNE: dave, i know. Can you please fuck off so i can haul these bags of shit to the shed, and then you can pester me about your fucking horse or whatever. 

DAVE: with pleasure.

He disappears, and you sigh. You've known him since you were babies, but talking to him never got easier. He was like a slippery fucking eel, so obtuse that getting to the point with him was a chore only his twin sister could accomplish.

He scampers alongside you, like a fucking ferret or some shit, constantly getting underfoot. You consider hauling your bags of poop on to him, but you know Jane would be pissed at you, but god, the look on his face. You smirk thinking about it.

DAVE: hey 

DAVE: hey 

DAVE: whatre you smirkin about 

DAVE: all like-woah. 

JUNE: ‘woah’? 

DAVE: june you are fucking jacked 

DAVE: like stacked higher than the eiffel tower 

DAVE: all caked up like janes fresh baked pastries 

JUNE: oh yeah 

JUNE: i used to be pretty scrawny, heh. 

DAVE: you used to be like, i dunno, a fucking dry peice of spagetti 

DAVE: now your one big noodle 

JUNE: hehehe you’re a dumb ass

You punch him in the arm, and he winces like a pussy.

DAVE: you still smell like shit dudette 

JUNE: yeah and we live on a farm, dave. Everything smells like shit.

You lift a nearby hay bale swiftly and wave goodbye to dave, but stop in your tracks when you hear a familiar shotgun blast.

Fuck, Jane’s at it again.

It’s going to be a long day.

\------------------------------------------------------  
A scraggly young lady sits on a strange metal ship, one of her comrades slumbering peacefully on her lap. She looks worried and tired, dried blood speckling her face, bruised hands caressing her comrade’s sleeping head.

Your name is VRISKA SERKET, and escaping from Alternia wasn't easy. The cullers were coming, coming for your friend, coming for your lover, and you couldnt fucking take it anymore.

You may have gone a little apeshit.

But you’re here now. And she’s safe.

She looks so safe right now, resting peacefully in your lap. Baring all her sensitive parts to you, so close you can feel her bloodpusher thumping.

And you know it was worth it.

KARKAT: VRISKA 

VRISKA: shut the fuck up she is sleeping!!!!!!!! 

KARKAT: oh sorry 

KARKAT: vriska 

VRISKA: yeeeeeeees? 

KARKAT: we 

KARKAT: we may have a problem. 

VRISKA: w8 what? What fucking problem? 

KARKAT: well this is exactly like one of those fucking space alien movies 

VRISKA: so???????? 

He massages his temples, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead.

Something's wrong.

KARKAT: the fucking thing says we're going to crash, vriska. 

VRISKA: FUCK!!!!!!!! 

You jump up carelessly, knocking your girlfriend to the floor in your rage.

TEREZI: 44G 

TEREZI: STOP FUCK1NG MOV1NG 1M SL33P1NG 

VRISKA: well, you’re not anymore. Go wake kanaya up, we’re in deep shit.

Karkat is frantically pressing buttons, and if this wasn’t a life or death situation, you’d punch him in the stomach or something to get him to lighten up.

VRISKA: so, can you fix it???????? 

KARKAT: WELL 

KARKAT: NO 

KARKAT: BUT, UH, THERE IS A PLANET NEARBY 

KARKAT: SO WE MIGHT NOT DIE? 

KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK OPTIMISM, WE’RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE. 

VRISKA: RAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

You start smashing shit, because fuck, you finally get your happy ending, and fucking Equius fucks it up of all people!!!!!!!!

Kanaya strides in, and puts a dainty hand on your shoulder.

KANAYA: Now Now, I’m Sure It Will All Be Fine- 

TEREZI: C4N 1T, HOLD ON TO SOM3TH1NG!!!

And you're falling.

\----------------------------------------------  
A gun-toting lady stomps around a field in her pretty frilly dress and army-issue head stompers, browsing for ruffians to bonk on the head. She stares up at the sky for a moment, and suddenly sees a star.

She wishes.

Then it gets closer.

Your name is JANE CROCKER, and holy fuck a meteor just landed in your strawberry patch.


	2. theres something out there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theres something out there in them thar woods

It's the middle of the night, and you are in the middle of sleep and wakefulness, listening to the electricity buzz in the creaky old walls of your house. The night is peaceful, and all you hear are the soft snores of Jake and Jade in the rooms next to you.

You hear the screen door slam open, and a familiar clomp clomp clomp up the stairs. Jane must be back from fucking around in the feilds.You almost don't realize how urgent it is. Almost.

She stomps up the stairs with more of a fever than usual, her steps carrying more weight. You think to go calm her down, but your mind is too drunk with sleep to let you think clearly.

She starts banging on Jade's door, yelling for her to wake the fuck up or so help her God she’s getting shit shoveling chores for the next month. She hovers over your door for a second until you make an affirming noise that yeah, hold your goddamn horses, you’ll be out in a second

You sigh and roll sluggishly out of bed, the straps of your tank top tangled in to the earrings you forgot to take off. You tiptoe quietly around Pumpernickel, careful not to wake your sweet baby up.

JUNE: what the fuckity is this about? 

JADE: I don't know, she's really worked up!!! 

JANE: OF FUCKING COURSE IM WORKED UP A SPACESHIP JUST CRASHED IN THE FEILDS!!!!! 

Her breathing is labored, and her fists clenched. Whatever she saw rattled her to her core.

What could shake someone so hard her pupils broke in two?

JADE: Are you sure it wasn't those kids playing a prank or something?? 

JANE: No, it fell straight from the sky, like a falling star or something! 

JANE: Do you not believe me? 

JADE: No, no, we believe you! 

JADE: It’s just 

JADE:Well 

JADE: It’s not every day a satellite drops from the sky!! 

JANE: I

She gulps.

JANE: i dont think it was a satellite.

\---------------------------------------------------

You wake up with your girlfriend on top of you.

Not in like, a gay way, her elbow is digging right into your boob and actually, that really hurts. She’s flopped out over you like a dead fish, and you dont want to wake her, but god, your tit’s going numb, so you roll her like a barrel off of you.

TEREZI: 44H 

TEREZI: YOU B1TCH 

VRISKA: im your bitch :::;)

She punches you on the arm, and you want to mess her lipstick up all over her face, but now’s not the time for that.

VRISKA: KARKAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!! 

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK DO YOU FUCKING WANT ???? I AM STUCK IN THE FUCKING TRASH RECEPTACLE!!!

You look around, and oh my gog, there he is!!! His tiny feet stick out of the bin, wiggling like a grub. 

You cackle like a demon, and nudge the lump that is your lover, but she just gurgles and stops moving.

She’s…….probably not dead.

You hope.

You help Karkat out of the bin, which is a bit hard because hes really fucking lodged in there, but evertually you separate his ass from the trash and he goes flying into your chest, knocking the wind right out of you.

VRISKA: oof! 

VRISKA: been hitting the hunger trunk, eh, karky????????? 

KARKAT: GO LICK A BUCKET YOU SATANIC GNOME-BITCH!!!

You cackle as he gets off of you, patting his tummy as he glares over you.

VRISKA: did you see where kanaya w8nt????????? 

KARKAT: I WAS A LITTLE FUCKING BUSY WRIGGLING LIKE A GRUBNOOK YOU FESTERING FUCKPOT!!! 

VRISKA: ? 

KARKAT: NO I HAVEN’T. 

VRISKA: see, was that so hard? 

KARKAT: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

You leave him to have his tantrum, and search for your friend.

VRISKA: kanaya???????? 

KANAYA: Oh Vriska Thank The Mother Grub!! 

VRISKA: heh heh……… i am pretty awesome 

KANAYA: I Will Compliment You Later Darling Please Help Me

You search through the rubble and find Kanaya lying with her foot under some rubble.

VRISKA: thats it????????? 

KANAYA: Oh Shut Up, Just Get Me Out! 

VRISKA: yes ma'am!!!!!!!!

You lift her up deftly to her feet, steadying her as she wobbles slightly. She dusts herself off and straightens herself out. Mostly to herself, she mumbles something like oh my goodness what an awful occurrence blah blah blah. You love Kanaya but gog, she’s too polite!!!!!!!!! If she’d go apeshit once in a while, then maybe you could stand her more.

VRISKA: ok, nerds, gather by the bin, its plan time. 

KARKAT:WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF PLAN IS GOING TO SAVE US FROM WHATEVER WEIRD ALIENS ARE WAITING OUT IN THE OUT??? 

TEREZI:1 HOP3 TH3 41L3NS T4ST3 GOOD 

VRISKA: ikr??????? 

KANAYA: Well, 

KANAYA: I Propose We At Least Scout The Area Out 

KANAYA: Who Knows, There Could Be No Alien Life On This Planet 

VRISKA: ok, im picking up wh8t you’re putting down…….. 

KARKAT: BUT WHAT IF THERE’S SOME SORT OF, I DON'T KNOW, CULLBEAST OUT THERE READY TO SLIT OUR PUNY THROATS???? 

KARKAT: I PROPOSE WE STAY HERE AND WAIT OUT THE REST OF OUR LIVES. 

VRISKA: I prop8se a vote, raise hands for kittykat’s shitty plan?

You, Terezi and Kanaya stay silent, and you can see Karkat slowly rupturing his thinkpan.

VRISKA: Alright now who wants to do Kanaya’s infin8ly better plan????????

Karkat makes a sound like a whistling leafsoupkettle as you smugly raise your hand, along with your fellow smarter peers.

KARKAT: ALL FUCKING RIGHT WE’LL DO YOUR DANGEROUS ASS PLAN BUT IF WE DIE I’M BLAMIGNG ALL OF YO-

He stops his rant as his ears twitch. You take that as a sign to put your own guard up, readying your fists for conflict.

A voice breaks through the silence, but it’s not any one of yours.

????: what the fuck???


End file.
